RE: Timing

Timing
Timing ?
What is this thing called Timing?
Why is it timing?
When things go wrong it goes wrong.
There was no timing.
When a person is in trouble,
There is no timing it just happened. Why blame the timing? The time is right there for you not you for timing.
People want to blame things, events, people, family, and accidents life.
There are no correct times.
There are no wrong times.
When people take their own responsibly on their own lives.
That is when times have changed.
We all have choices. We all had choices. We will always have more choices.
Timing is just a word to make excuses to feel better of things.
Do not blame the day, the minuet, the second or the years.
We have to take responsibility for our own choices.
No one really made us do anything.
We choose to do things.
We were asked, shown or influenced. We choose to make choices.
When we take our own responsibilities, life flows better no matter what choice we take.
I choose to trust people first. I do get disappointed more times than normal.
It is because I trust human nature more than others.
I let people have their choices as long as they were given more options.
I had a choice to love, live and believe in people.
Wrong or right I will not fight for their choice.
I get disappointed when people want to blame me for their lives.
The divorce which had to happen, as living with a man who cheated.. was destroying me on all levels.
They had a choice. They choose their path.
I do not choose to dominate another person.
As I know what it is like to be dominated, tormented, assaulted and harmed.
I know what it is like to have nothing, have something, give something.
I know what it is like to lose everything, lose a choice.
I also know when I love someone, believe in someone, something.
I know what it is like to be raped, abused as a child, to kill for food.
I know what it is like to lose a child.
I know what it is like to have cancer.
I know what it is like to be told that you have not long to live.
I know what it is like to have a car accident and fall apart.
I know what it is like to know that you were not wanted and only been used for different things.
I know what it is like to live through death.
I know what it is like to see someone die in front of you.
I know what is like to hold someone while they take their last breath and pass over.
I know what it is like to support someone.
I know what is like not to say good-bye to loved ones before they die.
I know what it is like to have that regret for the rest of your life.
I know what it is like to see others being hurt and you cannot help them.
I know what it is like to be ripped away from your family.
I know what it is like to be abandoned. As many never really been abandoned and left alone.
I had many choices to be bitter or sweet. I choose to be me now and if this is too much for you then that is ok too. As you have your lives to lead just as I have a life. Respecting each other is easy when you understand that.
I know what it are like to be a chef, businessperson, lover, and friend.
I know what it is like to live alone or with someone. It can be scary and devastating or it can be a relief and freeing. It depends on you and in that it took me a time to learn this simple fact.
I understand many things as you see it is because I know of these things.
I know what it is like to want to take your own life.
I know what it is like to be hurt by an abusive father, friend, and lover.
I know what it is like to have nothing on your plate, nothing to dress up in. Then again I understand that things can go wrong, then again I know that there is you. And in that, you will overcome everything when you have someone to cheer you on and inspire you, empower you.
I know what it is like to be tortured, humiliated and embarrassed. I then know what it is like to be held with warmth and love, which can overcome many hurts. To be welcomed into life and have someone share your life without judgements or anger but love and compassion.
I do know what it is like to live in someone else’s life, and the struggle of which you face to become your own person.
I know what it likes to be abandoned, rejected by people, family and friends. I and I do know what is like to have support form friends and some of your family. No one can ever take that away from you.
I learnt to survive and come back to life after dying a few times. To be poisoned and knifed.
To lose a child and parents ... family...friends. You will never fill their spaces in your heart but then when you remember the love, laughter and tears you shared with them. They are always there with you. In your heart and you will always remember them.
I know what it is like to be picked on, humiliated and disregarded in public and in private. The again I know what it is to have one person who believes in you, trust you, love you without judgements.
I know what it feels like to be not believed.
I know what it is like to have your dreams ripped away from you
To have your identity taken, money embezzled from you. To know who are your true friends when things go down a road which no one believes you and they turn their backs on you. There is one thing you will find out, It is if they were your real friends and what sort of personalities you were dealing with in the first place. Hard lessons as we all would like to believe that they really cared and the person who stood by you through it all was the person you never considered. Strange how we learn that lesson..
All these things and so much more.
Yet I still believe in others.
I choose to believe even with a few guarded moments. As life is always changing and you have more options even when you think you have none.
I know what it is like to be totally abandoned by loved ones and friends. And then a stranger comes to you and say’s to you don’t give up as you are worth so much more than those who abandoned you
To be out of work, struggling to live from moment to moment.
I know what it is like to live on the outer skirts of society.
Yet I still choose to believe in people.
I really know what it feels like to have noone there for you.
To have no living family member they’re as a support network.
Shit happens and many a time I have wanted to give up.
Something inside of me drives me to help others, even at the cost of my own life. As something kept calling me to music and to play it my way, to show that I do know what it is and I do know how to play instruments, when others could not. I played 14 trax of music, recorded it and nearly had it complete to give to the cancer foundation as a gift so that they could gain money for cancer. At this point in time it is on hold indefinitely and I now share what I played with special people in my life as I wont allow it to be placed in a draw and forgotten. Music is to be shared and heard not to be hidden and never heard or even sampled.
I am there when someone wants to hold a hand. I am there with a shoulder to lean on. Knowing that at times when the need for me is never met I will be there for those so that they know that someone cares.
I will be there to do the hard things when others flee. As I know what that is like and to have a person struggling with life is hard on there own.
I believe in helping others.
Listening to their lives and their words.
I will find out ways to help others and give them hope in one form or another.
I cannot give up this, as this is my choice.
Believe me or not.
That is your choice.
I cannot change your mind about anything; just give you more options to think about.
Just to let you know that there is always another choice and we can change our choices anytime.
It is really up to you.
o have gone back to school and I have gained 12 certificates and a Diploma or two and the funny thing is I done it from my own gut and I have achieved something more out of this that just papers of recognition. I shared my journey with a man who wont even acknowledge me now days, and it was to him and his friends who gave me a stubborn streak to show them, instead it showed me that I do have a right to live my life as me and not what they wanted me too..
This man said it was all my imagination and that things were happening because of our relationship ... may be then again maybe not. I fell for him and it is what it is..No one could tear me away from believing in him and his talent.. The did manage to scare him off.. I found I had so much more strength and endurance which inabled me to gain something more... My life to choose and to live... at being me.
I share my life so that you can see that there are more choices and more to live for.
I am older now, lived through many things. Learned more than most in life.
I share them because I want you to know that there are more choices.
I believe in the human person.
I just get disappointed when you do not choose a choice to live and love and believe.
Then again that is also your choice and I cannot choose it for you.
You can run away from things. You cannot run away from yourself or who you are. You can learn more to grow or you can just do what you are doing. Again that is your choice. Mine is to allow you to see what I have lived through to show you that there is a choice in everything and then there is a choice even with that

Passions V Addiction

Passions can be very consuming of time and energy, but they also feed your soul, your sense of being alive, your feeling of wholeness as a person.  Addictions provide fleeting pleasure or gratification, but never leave you satisfied.  And the same activity could be a passion for one person and an addiction for another.  One might be a wine enthusiast, enjoying the refined pleasures the drink has to offer, while another person’s “love” for wine masks a fear of his own mind in its sober state.

To take a non-substance example, someone who’s passionate about social activism might work tirelessly for a cause, while her colleague may have a workaholic relationship with the same activity.  It all depends on the energy with which one pursues the activity, and what happens when the activity comes to an end.  There may be a letdown after a big event, but does the person feel a sense of basic worth in the absence of the adrenaline and the long hours?  Does she find comfort in the other parts of her life?  Or is she left irritable, restless, and less at ease with the people in her life?

The activity or feeling to which one is addicted may be in itself considered positive or laudable, but the energy of addiction always turns a “good” thing into a harmful one.  In the end it’s not about the object of addiction, but about the relationship one has to it.

For example Sex as an example. Is it truly passionate, or is it?  What appears to be a passion can in reality be a counterfeit. The difference between passion and addiction requires each of us to be transparently honest with ourselves. The self-deception can and will be harmful in the future.

Passion is generous because it is not ego-driven: addiction is self centred. Passion gives and enriches; addiction is a thief. Passion is a source of truth and enlightenment; addiction behaviours lead you into darkness. When you are passionate you are alive and you win whether you achieve your goal or not. Your ego must be fed in addiction and requires a specific outcome. Take away the outcome and the feel empty and deprived. Addiction is a counterfeit to passion, it is an illusion, a black hole of unmet promises and fantasies. The more you seek the more it demands.

Connecting with a “higher power” may just mean connecting with your own sense of being, that awareness that’s more expansive and universal than your habitual stream of thoughts, feelings, memories, and associations that have so far “defined” you as this or that.  You don’t have to “believe” anything to make that connection – you may only need to give up the belief that you’re all alone, you know yourself already, there’s no hope, etc.

If spiritual belief discomfits you, then don’t believe; instead, open yourself to the possibility that you could experience yourself and your life in a different, healthier way – that however difficult it’s been so far, “it isn't necessarily so,” as the song goes.  But it’s also very helpful and healing if you can come to understand that you are not alone, that there is something greater within and without to connect with than your usual everyday mind, whether you see that as nature, or compassionate humanity, or a “higher power”.

It’s also worth remembering that even spiritual work can become addictive, particularly if one becomes attached to the religious practices or institutions it’s housed in, or the belief systems associated with them.  Anything that the ego can latch onto and say “Aha, now I’ve found the answer!” is likely to feed addictive tendencies, even if the expressed purpose is to move away from those tendencies.  Remember the ancient spiritual wisdom that “a finger pointing at the moon is not the moon itself” – focus on your own journey, your own experience, and not on the particular method or system you’ve chosen to help you on your way.


Maté's central thesis is that addiction is occurring on a massive scale in western society because so many people have an inner emptiness caused by societal dislocation, including the destruction of traditional relationships within families and communities, and a lack of proper attunement in infancy. By "attunement", he means a parent literally being "in tune" with the child's emotional states, and being present in a way that ensures the infant feels understood, accepted, and mirrored.
"Attunement is the real language of love, the conduit by which the pre-verbal child can realize that she is loved," he writes in the book.

He pointed out in the interview that parents might fail to provide proper attunement even when they deeply love their child. This can occur because the parents are depressed, overworked, stressed, or dealing with crises that take them away from the child. And that's when things can literally go a bit haywire in the infant's brain, contributing to addiction later in life.

In his book, Maté cites child psychiatrist Daniel Siegel to suggest that poor attunement can interfere with the development of brain circuitry. This can lead to distorted levels of the brain's endorphins, which soothe physical and emotional pain. Poor attunement can also result in fewer brain receptors of dopamine, which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages of incentives and rewards.

In the absence of a fully developed dopamine system, Maté said, a person is far more likely to crave stimulants such as nicotine, caffeine, or drugs like cocaine to provide incentives. Maté points out in his book that cocaine, which increases dopamine levels and triggers intense feelings of elation, wears off very quickly. This is why coke addicts seek an endless supply of the drug to repeat those feelings.
Maté also emphasized that infants are born with no physiological or emotional self-regulation. That's because a lot of brain development occurs after birth, including in the cortex, which provides these controls.

"If the parents are not there in an attuned, nonstressed way to regulate them, self-regulation never develops," he said. "Then there is no impulse control. If they're stressed to begin with, then they are going to go for anything to reduce the stress. One thing that addictions all do is they reduce stress momentarily."

Maté offered a surprising response when asked how parents should deal with a drug-addicted daughter. "The first step is they're going to have to be perfectly okay with their daughter using," Maté replied. "They have to be perfectly okay with this. Say, '˜This is what's happening.' Not resist it or resent it. Not wish her to be different. Not work to make her different than the way she is. Because what this girl did not get in the first place was unconditional loving acceptance—not because they didn't intend it, but because they couldn't deliver it because of their own stuff."

He added that if parents understood how deeply an addiction is ingrained in the brain, they would accept their child's condition more easily. "The only thing they can do is create an atmosphere in which she would be encouraged to become more self-reflective," Maté said. "And that can only happen when there is no judgement there, and there is no push to change."

Maté's book highlights how our attachment to "externals"—status, looks, work, achievement, alcohol, gambling, or drugs—is at the root of addiction. He believes that any full healing should be based on the concept of "sobriety", which is a positive approach that recognizes the addiction, rather than on "abstinence", which is merely avoiding the harmful substance. Maté advocates increasing one's self-perception in a tone of "compassionate curiosity" rather than through self-punishment.

He said that if policymakers properly applied what has already been learned about brain biochemistry—including teaching parents the importance of attunement—80 to 90 percent of the addictive behaviour could be eliminated in Canada within two generations. And that would save a lot more money and create far greater peace of mind over the long term than continuing the war on drugs.

Whether an addiction is behavioural or substance-related, it always serves a purpose in a person’s life. Addiction is always about soothing pain, dealing with stress, gaining a sense of meaning and connection, or a temporary relief from unbearable mind states. These are all things we want in our lives. But the addict doesn’t not how to get them except through addictive behaviour. When we say, “Just Say No” we are saying say no to pain relief, meaning, vitality, dealing with the stress.

The American physician Vincent Felitti puts it well: “Dismissing addictions as ‘bad habits’ or ‘self-destructive behaviour’ comfortably hides their functionality in the life of the addict.” So the question is: what function is the addiction serving? I’m not saying it’s a good thing – the addiction creates more suffering and pain than it can possibly soothe – but for the addict, drugs represent the only way they know how to relieve distress. We should ask not why the addiction but why the pain? If we are going to ask the addict to give it up, let’s give him some other way of coping with pain, emotional loss, spiritual emptiness, isolation. Let’s give them safer environments where they can find qualities and resources within themselves, or help them learn how to ask for them from the environment. It’s only in relationships with compassionate others they can start to develop a healthy relationship with themselves.

People still believe that childhood conditions like ADHD are genetically determined. They can’t be; if they were, we wouldn’t see them arise in such great numbers. So the medical approach continues to defy scientific information and fundamental logic. The new science of psychoneuroimmunology shows the connection between the emotional systems and the hormonal and immune systems. Emotions actually do have an impact on physical health. It shows up in epigenetics, the science that shows that genes are not dominant but they are turned on and off by the environment. All this research is new but it’s not so fresh that people haven’t had an opportunity to absorb it. I believe the source of addiction is not to be found in the genes or in individual choice but within the addict’s particular history, within a particular multi-generational family within a particular culture.

There are few professions as profoundly conservative as medicine. When people invest their whole lives and careers in a certain point of view, they are not going to give it up just because new research comes along. If new ideas do break through, they will be taken up by young physicians. But the people who control the gates of the medical schools are not going to surrender their perspectives easily. If they did, they’d have to admit that for three decades they practiced medicine that was deficient. This applies not just to addictions but physical illness. The mind-body separation is innate in medical practice. Clinically, physicians treat bodies, not an individual with a life history. Physicians think that whatever occurs, whether addiction, mental illness or cancer, must be separated from a person’s actual life. I’m fighting the idea that people can be severed from their lives – not only the mind from the body, but individuals from their environment. The gates of the medical schools are being slowly forced ajar, but it’s going to be a long process.

The hungry ghost is one of the six realms of the mandala, the Buddhist Wheel of Life. The realm of the hungry ghost is one of emptiness and insatiability, the endless search for satiation from the outside, which is essentially what our society is all about. Our society is full of hungry ghosts looking to the outside to fulfil their unmet needs.

Most physicians don’t have a science-based view of addiction because it’s not taught in medical schools. Most don’t know that the human brain develops through its interaction with the environment. They haven’t looked at the research linking trauma to severe drug addiction. It’s not even controversial. Many studies involving thousands of people have shown that the more severe the childhood trauma, the exponentially more likely the addiction. Physicians aren’t taught this, which leaves them without any understanding. The medical ignorance of the actual causes of addiction stems from their fundamentally deficient education, which in turn reflects social attitudes.

An addictive behaviour means you have given control of your happiness over to artificial stimuli for temporary pleasure or happiness. Giving up the artificial for the genuine is not easy, although it is extremely rewarding.

A passionate life operates on trust and respect with a deep satisfaction.
Addictive behaviour is insatiable and requires more of the outside stimuli for sustenance.

The media is oriented to simple explanations, such as “genes explain everything.” The media also serves the status quo. They make a big deal about the Human Genome Project and how we are going to find the sources of human disease. Nothing could be further from the truth. We never will, because disease is not genetically determined, except in a few rare cases. But to look at the social conditions that lead to human disease would involve questioning social norms.

For example, if we accept that that developmental problems relate to stresses within the child’s environment, even in utero, then we’d have to look at social policy. Also, the American government would have to ask why they provide only six weeks of maternity leave. Several studies have shown that kids whose parents are stressed are more likely to develop asthma, and if they live in polluted areas, they are even more likely.

According to Maclean’s, the Canadian national magazine, my book was listed as the number one best-selling non-fiction book in Canada for several weeks. Then they came out with an article, “Addiction: A Disorder of Choice.” It was based on a book by a Harvard psychologist who has never treated an addict in his life. His approach was purely theoretical, ignoring the literature on trauma and the brain. A purely genetic approach justifies the conservative social policies that a magazine like Maclean’s supports.

1. addictive tendencies arise in the parts of our brains governing some of our most basic and life-sustaining needs and functions: incentive and motivation, physical and emotional pain relief, the regulation of stress, and the capacity to feel and receive love;
2. these brain circuits develop, or don’t develop, largely under the influence of the nurturing environment in early life, and that therefore addiction represents a failure of these crucial systems to mature in the way nature intended; and
3. the human brain continues to develop new circuitry throughout the lifespan, including well into adulthood, giving new hope for people mired in addictive patterns. Dr. Maté then examines the current mainstream.

Passion

A passion is defined as a “strong and barely controllable emotion.” To me, passion involves anything that you are drawn to in a positive and enriching way. One of my passions is writing, and as you can see from this website, I have spent ample time  pursuing that passion. In pursuing this passion, I acknowledge that I can express myself freely, share ideas, and ultimately help those in need searching for answers.
Writing was not always a passion of mine. At a young age, I was more interested in competing in athletics such as baseball and football, and spent a majority of my free time pursuing those passions. As I got older, I began to expand my interests and discovered poker, and creative writing. I used to hate writing in school because of the required “structure” and “format” that had to be used in order to get a passing grade. We have our flawed education system to blame for this problem that many creative individuals face each and every day.

Discovering Your Passions

Finding your passions is quite easy. What are you interested in? Are you interested in it enough to want to improve your skills during your free time? Does participating in your passion give you positive feedback, emotions, and results? Are you committed to mastery of this craft? Answer these questions truthfully to yourself.

Pursuing Your Passion

Pursuing your passion is a never-ending process. It is a life long process, and if you aren’t committed for life, you might as well not even pursue it. You will get bored and quit, guaranteed. There have been plenty of hobbies that I have pursued, but never found a burning desire to continue pursuing. Without that desire, there is no passion, and there is no ultimate benefit to continue forward.
You have to be willing to work, and work a lot. The interesting part about working on a passion is that is doesn’t feel like work, it feels like entertainment and fun. If you are receiving no entertainment or fun from your craft, it is time to pursue something more fulfilling. Not pursuing something more fulfilling leaves you feeling empty at the end of the day. Feeling empty at the end of the day is a strong indicator that you need to consciously switch direction in life to something more valuable for your commitment of time.

Passion Defined

A passion can be defined as a strong liking or desire for some activity or object. Those individuals who feel passionate about a hobby or job will be full of enthusiasm for it. They will be willing to put a great deal of effort and time into this activity because they know that they will be rewarded for this. It is this emotion of passion that has encouraged all human advancement and encouragement.

Importance of Passion

If people did not feel passionate about things it would mean that the world would be a very different place. Some of the reasons for why passion is so important include:
* It gives people the motivation to put a great deal of effort into an activity.
* It means that people are willing to sacrifice time to devote to the work.
* It is easier to accomplish something when the work involved is pleasurable.
* Passion for an activity brings people together and makes it easier for them to work towards a common goal.
* When people gain pleasure from an activity they will tend to have a more playful relationship with it. This means that they are willing to experiment and discover new things.
* It means that the individual is willing to engage in the activity even though there is no obvious monetary reward for this.
* The path to achieving any goal will usually involve setbacks and failure. It is passion that ensures that the individual is able to pick themselves up after failure and press ahead.
* Goals can appear to be too much of a challenge to those who are not passionate.

Addiction Defined

Addiction can be defined as a physical or psychological dependence on a substance – most usually a psychoactive substance. To say that somebody is physically dependent means that they will become unwell if they try to abruptly stop using the addictive substance. The individual who is psychologically dependent does not feel able to cope without alcohol or drugs.

Difference between Passion and Addiction

There are important differences between passion and addiction. The individual who feels passionate about an activity will experience strong emotions that encourage them to engage in it. This does not mean that they will develop physical or psychological symptoms if they fail to engage in it. The other difference between addiction and passion is that the individual who is addicted might no longer wish to engage in the substance abuse. They know that what they are doing is highly destructive, but they feel unable to stop. Overall a passion benefits a person’s life while an addiction puts them into a downward spiral where they could lose everything.

Dangers of an Addiction

Once addiction takes hold in a person’s life it can lead to a great deal of destruction. The dangers include:
* The individual will fail to meet their financial, family, work, and social responsibilities.
* They may do a great deal of damage to their mental and physical health.
* Many addicts become unemployable.
* Family and friends are usually harmed by the addiction.
* The individual may be verbally or physically abusive when they are intoxicated.
* Many addicts end up on the wrong side of law.
* Those people who become addicted have to endure a great deal of mental suffering.
* The addict will fail to make use of their potential.
* The longer they remain addicted the more they will lose.
* Over time the individual will even lose their own self-respect. They will also lose all hope.
* If the individual is not able to escape their addiction it will lead to death.
* Many addicts will react to their poor life circumstances by committing suicide.

Signs of Addiction

The signs that an individual has become addicted include:
* Increased tolerance for alcohol or drugs. The individual needs to take more of the substance in order to get the same results.
* The individual experiences withdrawal symptoms if they attempt to abruptly stop or significantly reduce their intake of the addictive substance. In some cases these withdrawal symptoms can be life threatening.
* Lying and other unethical behaviour.
* The individual feels the need to hide the extent of their substance use.
* Loss of interest in activities that once brought the individual pleasure. All they really care about now is getting high.
* Those people who are addicted spend a significant amount of time planning, obtaining, using, and getting over the effects of their substance abuse.
* Loss of interest in personal hygiene and grooming.
* Regularly missing work for unexplained illness. The individual might also be frequently late for work.
* Reduction in productivity at work. They might often be recovering from a hangover during working hours.
* Financial problems as a result of the substance abuse.
* Legal problems as a result of the substance abuse.
* Alcohol or drug abuse is obviously causing problem for the individual but they seem to be unable to stop.
* Denial is a common symptom of addiction.
* They become defensive when other people mention their alcohol or drug use.
* The individual is uncomfortable about going places unless there is going to be alcohol or drugs available.
* Alcoholics may experience blackouts where they can’t remember periods of time while they were intoxicated.
* Unexplained disappearances.
* The individual may suffer from symptoms of depression and have suicidal thoughts.
* The addict will usually experience severe mood swings. There may be times where they are excessively talkative and happy but at other times they will be paranoid and negative.
In most cases the addict will only experience some of these symptoms. The longer people stay addicted the more negative symptoms will appear.

Escaping an Addiction

Addiction rips the life of the individual apart so it is vital that they quit this behavior as soon as possible. It is often stated that the addict has to hit rock bottom before they will be willing to accept help. There is some truth in this statement but this is often mistaken to mean that the individual will need to lose everything before they can get better. This is definitely not the case. There are many individuals who hit rock bottom but have lost relatively little in their life. The person only has to lose as much as they are prepared to lose. It is like they are a passenger in a descending elevator, and it is up to them where they get off.
There are a number of ways that an individual can escape and addiction including:
* An addiction therapist can help those individuals who are in denial about their situation see the reality. These professionals are trained to gently guide people towards the truth.
* Those individuals who have already built a life in recovery can help the practicing addict see what is happening and inspire them to choose sobriety.
* Entering rehab is a good option for those who have decided to build a life away from substance abuse. Not only will they have a safe and projected environment where they can pass through withdrawals, but they will also be surrounded by the resources they will need to build a good life in recovery.
* Recovery groups not only offer fellowship and emotional support, but they can also provide the individual with a program that will help them build a life away from addiction.
* Many individuals benefit from therapy in recovery. This allows them to discover what drove them to addiction in the first place so they can avoid making the same mistake in the future.

When Passion Turns into an Addiction

What some people mean when they say that a passion has turned into an addiction is that the behaviour of the individual has become self-destructive. They have become so obsessed with their passion that it has begin to interfere with their ability to live a normal life. This state of fears is unhealthy and it should be avoided. Passion is a wonderful thing to have, but it should be tempered with a bit of balance. A truly rewarding life is well rounded and includes many different aspects. As the saying goes, people should always avoid putting all their eggs in one basket. Sometimes the line between passion and addiction can become a bit blurred.

Passion vs. Addiction

Become addicted to your passion. Addiction to a passion eliminates addiction to negative paths in life. Become addicted to improving in your field of passion or craft. Become passionate about eliminating limiting beliefs from your mindset along the way. Use your mind as a tool, not a weapon.
These are pretty simple instructions for living a fulfilling life yet many of you will simply not commit to applying yourself. Stretch your comfort zone. Overcome the subconscious resistance to change. Know that it will be a struggle at first to adjust your life, but the end result is well worth the sweat and grind. Never settle for less than you know you are capable of achieving. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something just because they cant. When you succeed, show others how to do the same. Don’t be selfish.

Resources

Adrenal Fatigue Solution
Several articles on healing from adrenal fatigue.
Addiction Unplugged: How to be Free
In his life work, and now in this succinct and elegant book, John Flaherty brings us home to who we really are, the pure self underneath our beliefs, emotions, behaviours and addictions. In that authentic and powerful place we find liberation.
Alberta Family Wellness
Comprehensive, science-based and humane resource on child development and the causes and treatment of human dysfunction; sponsored by the Norlien Foundation, a pioneering Calgary-based philanthropy that supports the research and practice of childhood and adult wellness. Watch this new video on How Brains are Built.
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study
I cite this seminal study extensively in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. It demonstrates conclusively the link between acute stresses in childhood and later health problems, including addiction.
A.H. Almaas
A contemporary spiritual teacher whose “Diamond Approach” is a holistic, thoroughgoing method of realizing wholeness through direct encounter with one’s inner Essence, or true self. Almaas brilliantly combines Eastern spiritual wisdom and Western depth psychology. I consider him as one of my most important mentors.
Attachment & Trauma Network
A network that provides advocacy, support and education and about the most important dynamic in child development: the attachment relationship with adults. An especially important resource for people working with kids who have experienced trauma.
The Canadian Institute of Stress
Founded in 1979 by the pioneering stress researcher Dr. Hans Selye, the CIS runs educational programs and stress for institutions and companies, and offers stress assessment and counseling for individuals.
The Continuum Concept
An powerful attachment-based parenting approach.
Compassion for Addiction
A new non-profit cofounded by Dr. Mate that focusses on addiction.
TJ Dawe — Writer/Performer/Director
TJ is a prolific and brilliant monologist, a true luminary of the Fringe Festival circuit who has won multiple awards for his virtuoso one-man shows. In 2010 he toured with his delightful show Lucky 9, about three disparate cultural works that altered his life: the Enneagram personality model, HBO’s The Wire, and… (wait for it) …the books of Gabor Maté, M.D. . I had the pleasure of appearing recently on his Totem Figures podcast, a conversation you can listen to here.
Democracy Now!
A progressive news and public affairs program broadcast Monday to Friday online and on the Pacifica Radio Network. Unlike so much of the corporate-owned mainstream media, Amy Goodman and her team examine the news from the perspective of those most adversely affected — and stressed — by global events and domestic policy, including the poor, disadvantaged and marginalized, and those living in war-torn areas.
eMentalHeath.ca
A Canada-wide compendium of helpful services listed by Ottawa-based child psychiatrist Dr. Michael Chang.
Enlightenment Intensives with Murray Kennedy
I highly recommend these guided contemplation retreats, offered at regular intervals near Vancouver, BC.
Essential Inquiry
Enlightenment Intensives offered on Vancouver Island and other locations.
Fraser Health
Fraser Health has recently created a very important video that supports a more compassionate approach to those with addiction.
Hand In Hand Parenting
Useful, practical, heart-based, attachment-friendly information on parenting.
The Healing Journey Program
Based out of the Ontario Cancer Institute at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto, Ontario, a program developed by Dr. Alastair J. Cunningham, a world-renowned research in psycho-oncology and himself a cancer survivor. Dr. Cunningham’s holistic approach incorporates the psychological and spiritual dimensions of disease and healing, rooted in an understanding of mind-body unity such as I advocate in all my books, particularly When the Body Says No. The website includes links to audio, video, and workbook versions of The Healing Journey program.
Hearts for Helpers
A website and self-care support network for social service providers. As I’ve written repeatedly, it’s especially vital that people in the “helping” fields take care of their own emotional and physical needs.
The Haven
Located on beautiful Gabriola Island, BC, this “centre for growth” offers a wide array of residential programs for personal and professional development.
The Health News Network
An online resource centre for the study of body and mind in health and illness, stress management and disease prevention.
Hollyhock
An idyllic retreat and seminar centre located on Cortes Island, BC, with a diverse and excellent offering of programs promoting healing, wellness, and self-discovery. I have led courses there, and will continue to do so.
KidCare Canada Society
The Landmark Forum
A powerful and effective weekend course in personal growth and transformation, available internationally. I can attest from personal experience and observation that the program’s efficacy in empowering people to dissolve old patterns, hidden beliefs and ways of being, and in creating richer and more fulfilling lives and relationships, is unparalleled.
Dr. Bruce Lipton
Insightful and illuminating research on “The Biology of Belief”.
Daniel Maté
An award-winning composer and lyricist for musical theatre based in New York City, and my eldest son. Daniel helped edit my most recent book In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts and, recently, lent his voice talents to the audiobook version (available for download here.)
Rae Maté — Artist
Rae’s artwork was featured on the covers of the Canadian versions of my first two books. Even if she weren’t my wife and life partner of 40+ years, I’d still be a huge fan of her wonderful, whimsical, soulful paintings and illustrations.
Online Colleges – Mental Health resources for students
Memoirs of an Addicted Brain
An engrossing and vividly written swirl of raw personal drama, themes of despair, loss and triumph, brilliantly rendered brain science, and clear thinking on the experience and essence of addiction. Illuminating even to experts, accessible to all.
Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. / The Neufeld Institute
My co-author on Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. As a thinker, lecturer and clinician who has devoted his life to helping parents and professionals “make sense of kids”, Gordon is, quite simply, peerless (pun more-or-less intended.) His work eschews trendy and simplistic parenting “techniques”, emphasizing instead the centrality of attachment relationships and awakening parents’ natural instincts. I’m not only Gordon’s co-author, I’m also one of his many pupils: my wife and I consulted him often while raising our three children, and his insights and guidance were invaluable.
The Perception Medicine Foundation
Playful Parenting
Practical Recovery
Recovery Nation
A very helpful website promoting a health-based program for recovery from sexual and other behavioral addictions.
SMART Recovery: Self Help for Alcoholism and Addiction
Dr. Dan Siegel
A pioneering UCLA psychiatrist who emphasizes the importance of attachment relationships for brain development. Recently he has also explored the transformative and healing power of mindfulness. I highly recommend his books, which include The Developing Mind and The Mindful Brain, as well as his CD lectures, such as The Neurobiology of We, on interpersonal neurobiology.
Teen Drug Prevention Strategy
A set of YouTube videos that will serve as a helpful resource for preventing addiction during the years that matter.
Eckhart Tolle
A contemporary spiritual teacher whose work on presence and “the power of Now” I have come to value highly.
Touch the Future
An excellent parenting resource website which understands that “continuing child development depends on adult development.” In particular, I recommend the “Play” and “Bonding and the Brain” sections.
What Disturbs Our Blood: A Son’s Quest to Redeem the Past
This memoir by Toronto writer James FitzGerald is a powerfully written, emotionally authentic and intellectually satisfying account of multi-generational mental illness in a prominent Canadian medical family. It is not an easy read, but a gripping one due to the writer skill and unflinching honesty of the author, and his commitment to uncovering dark family secrets hidden behind blue blood respectability and high professional achievement.