Report on Men

Report on Men

By Sonia F Stevens

References: What Men Want

In our culture men are taken seriously because they do not talk about their feelings.

Women are not taken seriously because they are so open about their feelings.

Too introverted a man share easily, too inhibited to express his grief, he had to settled into an a biding melancholy that was sapping his mental and moral strength, those qualities humans call will.

A second way men handle grief is by going it alone. Men often give excuses for what they are doing or why they were not at work rather than openly saying, “I was so overcome with grief over the loss that I was not able to function or help anyone. I was hurting”.

Some men grieve alone to avoid weeping in front of others. Some men grieve alone to avoid burdening others, although they have been known to open up to strangers.

The emotions of grief are a constant challenge to men.

The ways men grieve simply point out once again the differences between men and women. Are these was of grieving wrong?

No man would admit or want to admit they are wrong, or even inadequate. Lets’ just say there are better and healthier ways to adjust cope and grow.

Sharing feelings and loss with others is a better way.

Some men have asked “But how can men do this if they are wired and trained no to be this way?” Perhaps the answers are, that a time of loss may be the opportunity time to become different.  It is time to realize, “I am not in control of my life; I do not have all the answers; I have an abundance in different feelings; my beliefs that it is not safe to share and real men do not cry may not be accurate – there just may be a different and better way to live.

Once such realization takes root, the door opens for growth and a different way of living, which can be much better that the way of living now.

Affection

In the book “the Gift of Touch” by H Colton.

Observations of social scientist – Expressed this for behavioral outcomes.

Touching is an expression of affections.  Women tend to desire affectionate touching more that the men do. Men perceive women’s’ needs for physical contact as weakness, but touch is really a strength to all who welcome it. Men could learn much from what women already know about closeness.

The importance is very powerful.

Affection is basic ingredient in any relationship. It can mean anything from a sexual interchange to a non-sexual touch. Touch is a powerful communication tool.

Affection touching generates the sensations of warmth security and emotional satisfaction craved by human being. Patting, stroking and caressing carry the nonverbal message of endearment and tenderness that we all need beginning at birth. The physical needs do not diminish when we grow into adulthood.

Security

Security involves trust. It means you can depend on the one you trust. You can rely on the person’s word.  You can count on that person to back you and to praise you not only in your presence, but also when you are not there. You know the person in doing what is best for you. “They keep their promises, not matter what the cost”.

REF: What men want.